Worse thing is this is not even half of what i feel i don't feel relief i a little relief but i'm so stress out there is so much i want to say there is so much i want to share but i really need to get this out of my system but i guess i'm just not ready yetersday. I know when i'm ready i will burst and when i burst it would b easier to pick up the pieces. I just not ready. Maybe i need a change and real big change a dramatic change if only i knew what that change would be i really wish i knew :(

SADNESS

This is killing me as i need to write it down.
I just can't help the way i feel
while it hurts so deep
I feel so alone
and all i want is you

That night really change me it made me think it made me scared it made me not want to believe but deep down i knew that i was not a risk that i wanted to take so i ran.

I ran from my troubles i ran from even thing i onced believed in i just kept on running and i never looked back. I kept going out it over and over again in my head i just could not believe it and just didn't want to know it killed so much inside that it made me sick, i couldn't sleep because it was to painful i felt like someone had drills through my heart but still my heart was beating. Even when my heart was sliced in heart it still stitched itself back together i wanted to hate him but no matter how hard i tried i just couldn't help myself.

Everyday i struggle everyday i'm hurting every day my heart pumps pain but still i survive with a smile on my face. I try so hard to keep myself busy, to do what i used to love just to forget but this love its like a drug i'm so addicted to it. Now i face it write on with no sheild and no spear am open i'm valuable and it kills like a motherfucker but it's my only hope. Nothing feels the same i feel like something is missing i feel like a someone so close has died and i can no longer see feel or touch all i can do is dream.

After everything you have the check to text me stupidness. Well i've cried over you, i've kicked myself over you and now i well party over you. You mean nothing to me nothing at all for as long as i have people i love and people that love me by myself i know i will get through it. PEACE OUT BITCH!

If i was writing this yesterday there would be so much anger and hatred in this but now that i've slept on it and i'm calm i guess things worked out for the best. You can't have everything and you can't have people that lie through their teeth in your ear. People that constantly make you feel like shit everyday and make you feel like they are the innocent one when they are far it are not worth your tears.

Why does love always feel like a battlefield, love sucks, why does it have to feel like this. Why could it be simple. Why does love have to have so much emotions involved. Why does being in love make you so open to get hurt? Why does it allow you to feel these feelings that feel like the best feelings in the world and when your sad it feels like the worse feeling in the world. What to do What to do!?

I love this song by ashanti.

The Way That I Love You lyrics

Songwriters: Douglas, A; Hutton, L T;
After all of this time that we triedI found out we were living a lie

And after all of this love that we made

I know now you don't love me the same

The way that I loveThe way that I love you

The way that I loveThe way that I love you

The way that I loveThe way that I love youI woke up kinda early today

And something told me from that moment it wouldn't be the same

It felt like you were hiding something

But I didn't push it, I didn't complain or say nothing

I tried to act like I didn't see it'

Cause deep down I knew I didn't want to believe it

But there it was, it was you and her

You left your Sidekick on the nightstand and I read

Everything you bought and everything you said

And now I'm standing here looking like damn

I thought it was you and I

Now I all I got to say is, why?

After all of the time that we tried

I found out we were living a lie

And after all of this love that we made

I know now you don't love me the same

The way that I love

The way that I love you

The way that I love

The way that I love you

The way that I love

The way that I love you

I notice now that when I'm around

You be trying to lock the door, whispering on the phone

Now wait a minute since we been in this house

You ain't never did this before, tell me what's this about?

I tried to sit and say to myself

This here is too good, he don't want nothing else

But there it was, it was you and her

You left your credit card receipt inside the Beamer babe

Everything you bought and everything you spending

Now I'm standing here once again

I thought it was you and I

Now I all I have to say is why?

After all of this time that we tried

I found out we were living a lie

And after all of this love that we made

I know now you don't love me the same

The way that I loveThe way that I love you

The way that I love

The way that I love you

The way that I love

The way that I love you

You lied, you lied, oh why?

Why'd you have to lie to me?

Why'd you have to lie to me?

Why'd you have to lie to me?

Why?

After all of this time that we tried

I found out we were living a lie

And after all of this love that we made

#I know now you don't love me the same

The way that I love

The way that I love youT

he way that I love

The way that I love you

The way that I love

The way that I love you

I'm fed up of feeling the way i do when your out at night enjoying your single life and then you have the decent to come to my and diss me for going out for one night! Sometimes I wonder why i bother i hate feeling this way for you i wish i didn't i wish i could get other you the way i got over the others. But it's much harder then i thought I love you but the same way your action shows that you have moved on the same way i need to take that step and move on as well and start out fresh. Day in day out i barely get through the day without thinking about you, who your with what your doing and what your going to do next and it hurts. It may be hard to get through a few months without you but i know when i'm ready i will eventually.

You know what i don't even care no more and to be honest i don't think i ever did or i'll ever will HA KMT.

What i've just acknowledged has crushed me so deep.

I just can't go on any more and i can honestly say I give up.

It been nothing but a game i wish not to play.

All this time I had been treated like the villian but really i'm the innocent one.

Today will be the day that i cry one last time.

Tomorrow will be a day you will be a stranger to me.

I really wanted to make you so happy i really wanted to give you the world.

But at least I will carry on with my life with no regrets and just a brighter future to look forward to!

Full stop

I feel like i had climbed the ruffest mountain only for someone to push me back off it. So many times i wanted to pick up the phone and call but i glad i didnt. Yesterday i was sure, today i'm confused. But what i know for sure is that from now on i'm going to be walking this journey on my own. I don't need anyone to get both, I proved to myself once again that i can do anything when i put my mind to it.

Love is meant to be word a passionate yet strong senational feeling but thinking about it it's just a four letter word that is used to identitify someones deepest emotion.

This is were i place the full stop in ma life im leaving all the old behind but im not bringing anything new inside. I hate connstantly thinking and feeling things. it's just to painful.

So im not going back to the old me or going back to the new me, i will remain humble to myself and other and see where life thats me.

Lovely Lewars: Miss Flavour 2009 Melissa talks

Lovely Lewars: Miss Flavour 2009 Melissa talks

Sourz Give it Some Summer fashion shoot

Sourz Give it Some Summer fashion shoot

given up

derz onli so much u can do there only so much you can take and when u tried and you dont sucess the best thing to do is to keep trying but i jus aint got it in me no more.. to many things r at stake and its more precious then anything. Even though i don't want to be it's been made clear not to go on no more not to keep trying so i will try no more.

So this is where i end ma feelings and my thoughts it's time to go.

hold on to what you have

love makes u do crazy things.. it's like on the first sight on insecurities your so quick to put your shield up and block everything to save you self from getting hurt! but at this point wen you've done that u don't stop 2 think how the other person is feeling.

People ask why would someone hurt the person you say you love? why? but that's a question that i can not answer.. i mean if you knew what you was doing was gonna hurt someone don't do it! but what if you didn't? you only realised when someone puts it all into perception! that's all bullshits! and it sounds bullshit but worse of all it's not bullshit. Sometimes we don't know why we do things, we just do and in the end someone ends up hurt.

You cant help who you fall for and you can't help who you hurt. But if you can make it right go for it even if you cant make it right? make it right for yourself. There are only so many chances someone can give you and if you blow them all up your out of luck.

But it weird how people start fixing up after after they have blown all there chances. It funny how you realise what you had but it too late to make things right. It's funny that you can fix up and realise things when your single but everything seems to be a blur when your in a relationship.

You may do things to please someone but it ain't the same as doing things to please yourself. Someone may point out the bad points but how can you change if you don't realise yourself.

If you have something good in you life hold on to it with everything you've got because once it's gone.. what do you have?

you will only have yourself to blame.

Love it all hate it i hate love but i love LOVE. It's a beautiful thing if you have it and it's true love. Love is hard to find and it's hard to find the right person. When you feel it hold it with you life ..