Worse thing is this is not even half of what i feel i don't feel relief i a little relief but i'm so stress out there is so much i want to say there is so much i want to share but i really need to get this out of my system but i guess i'm just not ready yetersday. I know when i'm ready i will burst and when i burst it would b easier to pick up the pieces. I just not ready. Maybe i need a change and real big change a dramatic change if only i knew what that change would be i really wish i knew :(

SADNESS

This is killing me as i need to write it down.
I just can't help the way i feel
while it hurts so deep
I feel so alone
and all i want is you

That night really change me it made me think it made me scared it made me not want to believe but deep down i knew that i was not a risk that i wanted to take so i ran.

I ran from my troubles i ran from even thing i onced believed in i just kept on running and i never looked back. I kept going out it over and over again in my head i just could not believe it and just didn't want to know it killed so much inside that it made me sick, i couldn't sleep because it was to painful i felt like someone had drills through my heart but still my heart was beating. Even when my heart was sliced in heart it still stitched itself back together i wanted to hate him but no matter how hard i tried i just couldn't help myself.

Everyday i struggle everyday i'm hurting every day my heart pumps pain but still i survive with a smile on my face. I try so hard to keep myself busy, to do what i used to love just to forget but this love its like a drug i'm so addicted to it. Now i face it write on with no sheild and no spear am open i'm valuable and it kills like a motherfucker but it's my only hope. Nothing feels the same i feel like something is missing i feel like a someone so close has died and i can no longer see feel or touch all i can do is dream.