Love is pain and pain is love

I feel like shit I went out late night to bury my feelings in the sand but it was the worse night I've had in my life, i just couldn't enjoy myself, i just kept thinking to myself is this what i throw away a life time relationship for. i felt like crap and just could not help but miss him.. for so many years I've been burying my feelings and hiding behind a brick wall mask. it's what makes me stronger it's what makes me move on more quickly with out having to dealing with the hurting and healing season. Don't get me wrong it all does caught up with but it does when I'm ready but the problem is when I'm ready and I've realised, it's already to late..

You may be wondering how the heck I'm talking about .. well i will tell u what I'm talking about. I am so so deeply hurting deeper in ma heart then i ever knew i could ever feel about anyone but it really hurts and i just can't understand why people would fall in love knowing that they may feel this pain later.. is it really worth the hardcore pain that you suffer? the heartache in your soul that is continuous banging on you chest causing you depression to the point that you become vunable and capable of doing something to harm you self???

I was in a 8 month relationship and i was deeply in love. He hated me partying and drinking and hated the fact that i would lie about things just to cover up what i knew he didn't like. I just felt to myself what he don't know would hurt him but i was wrong. Lying is the worse thing u can do and my parent taught me better then that.. i just don't know where it all went wrong and i don't know why i feel i had to lie to him. Me out of all people should no how it feels we people close to you lie. i dealt with it throughout my life. why would i lie to someone i love.

Cut the long story short he told me to choose either him or partying. I fort to my self is his honestly serious.. does he honestly want to throw away what we have just because i party knowing that it would make me unhappy. i just didn't get it but i was ready to do it. i felt that a few hours of dancing is nothing compared to a relationship that could last a life time. but after 2 days i went partying and lied to him again. i truly regret what i did it was not worth it but i can not turn the clock back. i did what i did i I'm paying the price for it. I've now lost him completely and he's cut me off completely. i deserve it for what I've put him though, i let him down i let my self down and i let my family down


you may say it's 8 months how can u be in love already. do you even know what the world love means. i can honestly say to you yes i do and I'm feeling the consequences on a painful breakup. I been in and out of relationships since i was 16 and fort i knew what love was but i was totally wrong. We i first met this guy i thought to myself ..please it will never happen but me being me .. even though i know i will be rejected i will go ahead and do it anyway because anything is possible right.