realising...

Since i have not been talking to him i've realised so much. I've realised i've lost myself deeper then i thought i knew. I get told by a lot of people that i've changed, people don't wanna talk to me because they know i either won't pick up the phone or i'm with him. I have no time for others, my time is always for the person i say i love. I aint blaming it on him. I blame myself for getting too caught up in this relationship. I forgotten who my friends are and i've forgotten the people that even got me to where i am today. What a selfish person i am. It's like i've lost site of who i really am and worse of all i never used to lie. I was the realest on the real not i'm the fakest of the fake. I feel that must of me changed for the good but a big part of me changed for Love. I don't know who i am anymore and i need to find myself before it's too late. Right now my head is all over the place and i just don't know who to turn to!!! i turned to people that doubted us from the beginning, I turned to people have seen all the dramas and then i turned to people who i once called my bestfriends.

Now my head isclear again. When they need me where was i? When they were going through their tough times , where was i? Even when i was not their for them they are still here for me. When I was going through shit, they were still here through thick and thin. So kind of friend does that make me?

He has changed me in so many ways that no one has ever changed me and could never change. He did that. He taught me how to love, he made me fall in love with him. He showed me things i never thought existed.

I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM.

But he needs to let me grow, i'm still young i need to enjoy myself and most of all.. i need to be me. It's like i'm walking before i even knew how to crawl and that's how i honestly feel. I've been to busy trying to make him happy that i've forgotten about the people around me.. even the people that were in my life way before he came along now they no longer exist.

All i can say right now is either he loves me for who i am and for what i do or he don't. When we first meet, he know me for me and like me for me so why now after 10 months! he wants to change? why? why? why?. It like i called breath but now i can no longer breath. I can our breath when he says it's alright to breath.

I changed because i love him and because i knew he was worth changing for. I wanted to make i'm happy and i knew changing would make him happy, so i changed.

But what about my happiness? it's like he don't care if it hurts me, it was like he only care about if he got what he wanted. Both ways were pain full so he left me no option. So i choose what he wanted and now i'm living with it and he has the decence to tell me that it's cause i wanna go raving!!! what the heck man! Does me giving it up mean nothing at all to you?

I've let thing like this slip through to many times and i've had enough. He never lets me get away with saying things like that so why should he get away with it.

I know it sound tlike i'm blaming him for how i feel but i'm not him been so so good to me he's been more then an angel to me and he has never done nothing to hurt me. He my night and shining armor and his the love of my life even though times are tough we still get through them. I love him and he loves me and thats that.